Ch. 4 - A New Hope

It was a dark and stormy morning when I drove south, away from Denver and towards my next stop in El Paso. I was super excited and absolutely couldn't wait to see Margaret and Mia... but the storm clouds were gathering literally and metaphorically. As I climbed to over 7,000 ft (talking my car through it all the way.. she did fine) I began to worry. Not just about the weather, but about this whole cockamamy scheme of mine.. just what exactly was I doing out here driving, driving, driving across the country? It was now late September, I had been on the road about 3 weeks, and at the moment it began to snow, I couldn't have given you a good answer to that question. As documented, I had my reasons for moving (they seemed valid at the time) and I had had a great time in Denver, but now I was in a cloud of funkiness. Maybe it was just being alone with my thoughts for the first time in a week.. maybe life on the road was finally catching up to me physically.. could I handle the rest of this trip? More to the point, what was I gonna do and how was I gonna do it, when I got to San Francisco? I guess I had thought about it in the past, but not really. Up until this point I had done a pretty good job keeping myself in a deep dark pit of denial.. which I think I had to do as a defense against wussing out and not taking this trip at all. I hadn't been fearless, only willfully clueless. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself here, but I felt like the ostrich with his head buried in the sand. Now, as I ascended the mountains, I was also climbing out of my state of denial into the harsh, depressing light of re-fucking-ality. Jeebus. I was a little freaked out.

The snow was no big deal, though, and the freaked out feeling didn't last long either. As I came through the other side, the weather cleared and the heat of the truth began not to burn quite as much. I thought and thought and thought (and talked and texted while driving.. don't tell anyone) and I began to come to terms with my new worries. This line of thinking was inevitable.. and ultimately, probably, necessary and healthy. I'd be forced to confront these questions sooner or later, why not now? So, I confronted the best I could. There were still a lot of things unknown and unknowable until I got to where I was going.. that was just gonna have to be OK for now. For this plan to work I must stay positive and "keep moving forward" (as Mia and I now know from watching Meet The Robinsons while I was in El Paso). I convinced myself anew that everything would be alright and thus my freak out ended, without any real answers, but with a renewed peace of mind and hope for the future.

I admit that the title for this chapter in the blog occurred to me long before any of the other posts were even written. If you don't get it, congratulations, you are not as much of a dork as me. I was determined to use it no matter if it fit the subject matter or not, hell or high water... as it turned out, it was the perfect title and sums up in three words what I have just rambled about for two paragraphs. Oh well. May the force be with you.

Ch. 3c - Things To Do In Denver When You're Cold

Somewhere between being tackled by my cousins and being tackled again by my cousins, I found time to do and see several other things in the Denver area. This is that story.
 

First up, The WOW! Museum. Wow, what a museum! It is a nice little interactive kids museum right around the block from my cousins' house. Here you see Doolin in a bubble of his own making. He and I also spent about 40 minutes building what I am sure is the world's largest PVC pipe structure.. well, at least Lafayette, CO's biggest. Another night my Aunt and I went bowling and absolutely dominated the lanes. She bowled close to her best game ever and I had one game where I marked in every frame.. better get our autographs now before we turn pro and they will be too valuable to give away for free.


One day we all walked around the Pearl St. Mall in Boulder, bought some toys at a very cool toy store and some candy at a very cool candy store (where Willy Wonka is played on a continuous loop), and then the weather began to turn... clouds, wind, and eventually some significant rain rolled in and the rest of my time in Colorado would be spent shivering (not quite, but I am originally from Florida, ya know). This was especially not great since my aunt and I had put off all of our outdoor activities until the last couple days of my trip. Tickets to the Rockies game were already purchased and the golf course awaited us before that. But we were determined not to let the weather stop us. We suffered for our sports.

First up was the golf. We woke up and it was about 40 and rainy. Crap. But we wanted to play, damnit! And play we did. The course was still very pretty to me and we still had a lot of fun. Next up was the Rockies game at Coors' Field in downtown Denver. The stadium was beautiful but this was the first time I have ever sat in the rain to watch a game - cold, cold rain - and I don't know that I would care to repeat it. See my aunt and Cousin Lois bundled up in left-center field.. this is not how one is supposed to have to dress to go to a baseball game. However, I did enjoy my famous footlong Rockie Dog (probably only 10" and not that special) and Cracker Jacks, though. Also, the Rockies have since secured a playoff spot and I think we can take full responsibility.. we are clearly good luck.

Finally, did you know that if the Celestial Seasonings factory were to leave their stock of mint leaves exposed, passersby could smell them from 4 miles down the street?! It's true! We found this out when we toured the factory in Boulder and went into the "mint room" where your eyes will burn and the mint smell will attach itself to your clothes for days. The factory was a lot more interesting than I thought it would be and the free tour included a lot of free samples. After having all that tea we were so amped on caffeine that we climbed some mountains.. here I am upon my descent, the conquering mountain man. Ha.... Ha.

Ch. 3b - We now pause for Jewish identification...

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not particularly religious.. OK, not at all religious actually. However, anyone who has seen me knows that I cannot hide my Jewishness. Random bums from Manhattan to Las Vegas to Boulder, CO have told me I look like Woody Allen. True Story. Comedians have taken one look at me in the first row and done whole sets based on how Jew-y I look.. one even guessed my first name, as if it were completely obvious. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about this. It is simply a fact. And I like being a Jew.. I like the culture, I like the food, I like the humor. But the religious aspect has never done much for me and I have not stepped inside a synagogue in... well, I can't even remember the last time. Family dinners on the holidays, sure, great. Morning services, never. Which is why I was a little uneasy about going to Rosh Hashanah services with my Aunt and Uncle in Denver. My visit coincided with the Jewish new year and I was game to give it a try (how bad could it hurt, really?), but I was still... uneasy.

While I could still do without all the constant God and Torah praising, it turns out it wasn't too bad overall. In fact, I found myself unexpectedly moved by a few of the passages included in the services. One passage in particular really resonated.. it just seemed to fit very well with what I am trying to do with my life right now. As the rabbi read it (or the rabbi stand-in, since this congregation doesn't have a rabbi now.. a whole other story) I admit I was overcome by emotion. What can I say, it hit home. So, I figured it could be worth sharing.

The passage was a poem about Teshuvah, a Hebrew word referring to... blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada, something about repentance (wait, you mean a Jewish concept about guilt? Shocking.) Anyway, I really have no idea what it means and kinda don't much care how significant a concept I'm sure it is to the Jewish High Holidays... I just liked the poem this congregation used to cover the topic. Here it is:

Rosh Hashanah.
Here poised between what we have been
And what we long to be.

Here in the moment of Teshuvah,
Reunion,
Coming home,
Returning to our own true self.


Here in celebration and in search,
In judgment and embrace.
Ready to confront the world
in which we find ourselves;
Ready to unveil our spirit.


Restored,
Whole,
Reunited with the Source of all Life.

(Gail Anderson ben Ezra and Ed Towbin)

I dunno, at this moment in my life those words make a lot of sense. That's the kind of "religious" message I can get behind.

These are pictures from my Jew days in Denver. In the first, you can see how my Aunt Lorrie and I looked after services. Then there are the boys making the holiday Challah with their Grandma the day before. Finally, there is the Challah in all its candy-covered glory. L'chaim! To life!
 
...We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Ch. 3a - Once Removed

Allow me to introduce, to those of you who haven't yet met them, my two newest cousins... First, once-removed. Doolin is 4, Brendan is 7. They are my Cousin Becky's (and her husband Chris') sons and they are the closest thing I have to nephews or nieces.. I am an only child and I have but three actual first cousins. Becky, Chris, and the kids live together in a beautiful (chaotic in a good way, vibrating with love and energy) house in Lafayette, CO, a few miles outside of Boulder. I had met Brendan and Dooly a couple of times since they were born, but this is the first time I got to spend any significant time with them and I loved every second! I hope they loved it too.. I think we all had a great time. We hit
the ground running, quite literally, as soon as I knocked on the door Wednesday evening... before I knew it we were running back and forth across the backyard, pausing only for wrestling and holding upside down by the ankles. They have seemingly endless energy. I, uh, do not. They wore me plum out! Somehow I was always "it" in our tag games.. I smell foul play. I slept well, though.



All told I was in CO for 7 days, splitting my time between my Cousins' house and my Aunt Lorrie's (Becky's mom) house in Denver. We did a lot and it was great to get to know them all so much better. More Denver area stories to come, but for now let me impart the wisdom I took away from the guys: Don't ever lose sight of your inner kid. Yes, it's been said a million times, but I was face to face to face with the intoxicating spirit of youth for a week and it was good to be reminded of just how freeing and invigorating it is to allow yourself to think like a kid. I was reminded to be unselfconscious, full of joy, and completely open to the world, as my cousins are.. to love and be loved freely, with as little filter as possible. I feel like the secret of life is in there somewhere.. damn kids figured it out! They are totally unencumbered in their minds... being too self-conscious is my least favorite trait about myself; they, on the other hand, are not weighed down by all that excess neuroticism. Imagine that! Sounds good doesn't it?